It's Natural to Be Afraid

Lots of shit happens in life, sometimes more so than you want. Acutally, most of the time you don't want shit to happen. You want rainbows and butterflies and smiles 24/7. Too bad it isn't actually like that. Life is always like a constant whirlpool for me, spinning faster and faster until I'm left wondering when I'm going to be sucked down the hole into the cold depths of the ocean. The shelter I have built to house my heart from any more hurt apparently has no insolation, I have become cold. That thought scares me. I'm missing support from my life, but there is one person who has always stuck around for me. She brings comedy and joyfulness into my life, and I am forever grateful I have met such a wonderful person. The best, most genuine friend I could ever ask for. Though you live so far away, you're always close by in my heart. I know, so cheesy. But really, I don't know what I would do without you. I'd be in a straight jacket :p In a way, I'm glad we live at a distance. It gives me a literal place for refuge, away from this city and everyone in it, to start new for awhile. Until I come back, that is. I just need you to know that you have helped me through so much and for that I am entirely thankful, grateful, and happy I have you in my life. You know who you are :) thank you, so much for always being the last one standing there as the storm calms. <3

Day Old Hate

So uhh, I don't know how to start these things... Well first let me start off to say how I named the post. I am terrible at thinking of names so I decided that before I post I will turn on my ipod to get in the zonnneeeee, and the post name is gonna be the name of the song I am listening to. Yaa buddyyy. ANYWAYS. So. To start off, this is super cool to just be able to say whatever the hell I want and just let my feelings out, I don't get to do that enough. But yeah, again, ANYWAYS.. I am currently battling a war in my brain about what is right and what isn't. I haven't really had a whole lot of time to actually think about my emotions because Antigone was all the last couple of weeks so I've been super preoccupied with that (it went super well by the way :D) but yeah so here goes the unloading .... So a month ago tomorrow I started dating Micah. he's a super nice guy, but since we started dating, I'm not sure why, but I have been thinking a lot about Dustin, and for some odd reason I've been missing him... I shouldn't be, and that's why I'm so confused. He messaged me a couple weeks ago and just sent me a song. It was random, it had no meaning, it was just a dubstep song. Since he sent that, we started talking and for some reason, that really hurt me to talk to him. I wish it didn't, and I'm not sure why it did because I really thought I was over him. Apparently not. I think about him a lot. I don't think it's fair to Micah that I've been thinking about an ex, and comparing how things were with him to how things are now. I don't know. The last thing that Dustin has said to me, it was about a week ago, he asked me if I missed him. I couldn't respond to that because I don't know the real answer, and also, I have such a great thing to say but I really feel like it isn't a good thing to say because I'm in a relationship at the moment. I really want to respond, and I want to see what he would say, but at the same time, I really cannot go back to him. I just am having a crisis of faith about being with someone, I don't think I'm ever going to find someone who I'm so comfortable around as I was with Dustin. It's confusing and I really don't know what to do about it. I really want to give Micah a chance but I am really not feeling it at all. I think all the crap I've been through has made me cold; and that thought kind of scares me. I knew something wasn't right when I wasn't all giddy and googly-eyed about Micah when we started dating because normally, I'm so into guys I like. But all I felt was pain... That isn't what I should be feeling. I know that he likes me more than I like him, that is definitely for sure. So yeah. I only really feel like talking about my boy issues right now because that is what's currently on my mind. I have other problems but I guess I'll talk about them in a different post :p

merrrrrrr

dfgoidjfhojdfhj